3 Things I Learned Last Week (Jul. 2014 #3)
- Sometimes terrible people excuse themselves to the restroom just to secretly check their phones, and karma smites them by providing no cell coverage in the restroom. I mean, that’s just what those terrible people have told me…
- It doesn’t take long for a large whitehead to appear out of thin air on top of your nose: the time between preparing in front of a mirror for a date and returning home from said date is more than enough.
- July 21st is National Ice Cream Day!
3 Things I Learned Last Week (Jul. 2014 #2)
- I didn’t think it was possible, but in one fell swoop Lebron James went from being a guy I couldn’t stand to someone that restored a tiny bit of my faith in humanity.
- For being such a big deal, the actual World Cup trophy looks painfully like it was created in first-grade art class.
- If you make a blog post asking if anyone is really reading your blog, you need to be prepared to find out that no one gives a crap.
Is this thing on?
3 Things I Learned Last Week (Jul. 2014 #1)
- I had a dream that my friend was being kidnapped right before my eyes, and as I pulled out my phone to dial 9-1-1 I saw that I had butt-dialed someone named Doug (I don’t have a friend named Doug) who proceeded to talk and try to have a conversation with me even though I repeatedly said I needed to hang up. Even in my dreams I’m a colossal failure in high-octane situations. :p Also, Doug is an idiot.
- I’ve always known that I get hiccups if I eat something way too spicy. I have no idea why. I’ve also always known that my surefire way for curing hiccups is to hold my breath deep in my lungs for a bit. What I didn’t know until this past week is it’s impossible for me to hold my breath deep in my lungs and therefore cure my hiccups while my mother is laughing hysterically at my hiccups because it will cause me to laugh too. #InfiniteLoop
- Only 2% of each tree is actually alive!
3 Things I Learned Last Week (Jun. 2014 #4)
- I’ll paint the scene for you: a stopped bus in the far-right lane, a stopped car in the middle lane, and both of them about 60 yards from the nearest stop light that turned green only 10 seconds ago. I was going about 30 or 40 in the left lane and planning on driving along my merry little way. I assumed the car and bus were stopped because the cars ahead of them had just gotten moving but there were no cars ahead of me. What was ahead of me, however, was suddenly some idiot woman walking her bike across the middle of the road (not even looking in my direction and nowhere near a crosswalk), and as I slammed on my brakes and prayed the car behind me did the same, I learned there’s nothing quite like killing someone to pucker you up.
- Sometimes we fail or make a mistake and the universe sends us a reward anyway. It’s a reminder for people like me to not beat yourself up so much.
- Love and feelings are weird.
3 Things I Learned Last Week (Jun. 2014 #3)
- When on a work conference call with 20 people while your boss is sharing her screen, do not instant message her saying how the guy currently talking is annoying (unless of course you have the smartest boss in the world who is only sharing one application so only you and her realize that the blacked out box that shows up is your message window *untighten sphincter*).
- Sometimes girls will tell you they just want to be friends, but then they really want to be more than friends, and that’s confusing as shit.
- Dogs are worse cockblocks than cats.